is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
