Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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