So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
