I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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