You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
