I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
