my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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