a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize