I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God, I missed his penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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