I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize