We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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