So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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