using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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