new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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