Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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