I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
