Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
