I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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