i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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