in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
