Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize