Don't you send me to vm
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
