How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
