Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
operation harelip BJ is a go
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
