I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
