Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
time to smoke my breakfast
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
