the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
