look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
