if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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