we have officially lost it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
