Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dick very happy bro
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
