Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
