Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize