this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
