You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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