Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
