You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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