Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
