She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
