Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
