i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
