she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
