what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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