Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize