I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
