that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
