I feel great
I just peed on a car
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
