So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
