Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
