Are we in a gay sports bar?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
