Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Come see our sink grown plant.
He passed out mid-signature
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
