His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
