I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
