Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
