the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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