Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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