They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
