Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
