I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
