my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
