i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize