Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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