I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
