one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
