dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
