i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
