How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
