ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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