Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
