Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wanna passion pit in your ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize