No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
