I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
