White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
