she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
