kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it because I queefed?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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