Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
