Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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