Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
