having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
