i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
