Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
