I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
