I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
