for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
