I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I look better un-naked...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
