You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
