he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
