i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
