She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
