I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
