she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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