Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
