oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
