Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Barsexuality is the new black.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
