omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
