fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
