he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
