I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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