He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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