Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize