I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
